How Adversity Makes You Strong

For years I tended to be a “problem fixer.” If someone I cared about was going through a struggle, I tried to do all I could to “make it all better.” I got frustrated when I couldn’t make their problem go away. I learned long ago, however, that sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. Perhaps this is best illustrated in this story of The Butterfly (author unknown):

The Butterfly

A man found a butterfly cocoon. He watched his cocoon for several days. One day a tiny opening appeared in the cocoon. He sat very still and watched as the butterfly struggled for several hours to force itself through the tiny hole of it’s cocoon. Then it seemed to stop making progress. It appeared to the man as if the butterfly had gone as far as it could, and could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly out of the cocoon.

He snipped the remaining bit of the cocoon with scissors, and the butterfly emerged effortlessly. There was something strange, however. The butterfly had a swollen body, and it’s wings were shriveled. The man watched closely, expecting that the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body, which would contract in time.Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and deformed wings. It was never able to fly.

Though the man acted in kindness, what he did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the small opening of the cocoon are God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready to fly once it has achieved its freedom from the cocoon.

Author Unknown

The story of The Butterfly is powerful, and has an important message for us. It helped me to understand that sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is to simply be there for them through their struggles. It helped me to stop needing to “fix” everyone, and to give them the space to work through their trials.

We all will have problems in our life. If God allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, we would not grow. It would cripple us, as it did the butterfly. Imagine never having to struggle, never dealing with adversity or problems. It sounds lovely at first glance, but upon closer speculation, there would be many consequences. We would not develop the qualities and characteristics that are necessary for a full and rewarding life:

• We would lack compassion, for we would not know what it it is like to struggle.
• We would lack appreciation, for things would come too easily to appreciate.
• We would not take pride in our accomplishments, as they would require no effort on our part to claim as our own.
• True joy could not be ours. Just as the caterpillar knows not what joy is to be found on the other side of the cocoon, we could not know the full extent of all that lies ahead for us.
• Character is developed through adversity. Without struggles, we would not grow as a person.
• We would never reach our full potential. We would never fly!

I still struggle sometimes with my need to protect those I love from adversity. When someone I love hurts, I hurt. When they face turmoil, I instinctively want to defend them, to help them, to cut an opening in their cocoon. Like the man in the story, however, I had learned that it takes far greater love to refrain myself from solving their problems. And though it hurts to see them suffer, I can love them best by allowing them to struggle, and by being there for them, to listen, support, and comfort.

They will get through it, and will learn to fly in the process. Isn’t that, after all, the best gift we can give someone we love?